Have you ever been in a crowd but still felt overwhelmingly alone? I'm more familiar with that feeling than I care to be, and can all too easily conjur up the pit in my stomach that comes with the memories. Sometimes though, I'll be thrown a life preserver. A familiar face will unexpectedly surface from the sea, and the isolation changes to connection.
My husband, Adam, and I noticed this when he was leaving the church. His faith crisis existed only in his mind, then it was something between the two of us, then we told family, then friends and ward members, and as the crowd grew, people would inevitably raise their hands and say, "that's happening to me too!" It didn't take the questions away, but it was healing nonetheless to know that we weren't alone. And sometimes your people are hiding right under your nose.
When my sister-in-law told her family that she was ready to be done with church, she was shocked to discover that her parents and two siblings were in the exact same place. They had all seperately arrived at the same fork in the road without talking to each other, and were pleasantly surprised that the next step would at least be filled with close companions, even if it was still into unknown territory.
I still have times of loneliness, times when I feel misunderstood and alienated, but what I'm beginning to understand is that loneliness can be a choice. Not everyone sees church with the same grey tones that I do, but plenty of people understand what it's like to be confused. Not everyone is worried about patriachy, but a lot of people know what it feels like to be undervalued. And whenever you're ready to start sharing your story with someone, chances are someone nearby will understand. You are not so alone as you think.
Announcements and News
- Expect to see some new resources for nuanced members available on my website. I will be publishing a series of guides to help initiate difficult conversations, beginning with my Baptism Questions for Parents and Children. Be on the lookout for new guides in the coming weeks, and let me know what topics you want to hear about!
The four pillars of Spiritual Sovereignty
MENTAL AWARENESS • emotional intelligence • value affirmation • spiritual nourishment
Shoulds
Notice how you spin your daily narratives. What do you tell yourself you should do? Should according to whose story? You are likely factoring in other people's shoulds without stopping to consider if you want them to be yours. You're giving up your personal time because someone thinks you should respond to emails after work hours are over. Is that someone you, or your boss? Someone thinks you should cook dinner, despite feeling exhausted at the end of the day. Is that you, or your spouse? Consider when and why you are letting other people's expectations for you dictate how you spend your time.
Is the friction between you and church wearing you down spiritually? It doesn't have to. Register to be a beta user in "Spiritual Sovereignty", my course for nuanced Latter-day Saints who want to make peace with church without sacrificing their personal values. You get all of my materials—videos, guides, and weekly one-on-one calls— for a fraction of the cost. In exchange, your feedback will help improve the course for future clients.
Finding God in Everyday Beauty
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