You'll hear me use the term "nuanced" Latter-day Saint a lot around here. It's a term I started seeing in online circles and the more I learned about it, the more it resonated with me. But many people are probably wondering...what is it?
As with all questions, you'll get different answers from different people. To some, it represents a sense of frustration or disagreement with church teachings, and a refusal to conform to what they don't align with. How much they choose to center their frustration differs though, and many nuanced members sit in in your congregation blending in quite easily.
In my experience, nuanced members see their personal revelation as supreme. When their inspiration doesn't line up with the handbook, they don't feel morally compelled to keep praying until it does. They trust their connection with God, and move forward with confidence. To members who see the church as the iron rod of our day, this can feel rebellious, reckless, even threatening. Oftentimes, the result is that the hackles are raised on both sides and we stop making progress altogether. My message today, no matter where you see yourself in this conversation, is to take a deep breath. It's going to be ok.
The thing is, no two members are on exactly the same page about church. If you're wondering whether or not you're a nuanced member, the answer is yes. Because we all carry a unique story in our minds and our hearts, and this shapes our view of the gospel. But is it helpful for everyone to wear that term like a badge and lean into that identifier? No, it's not. There are so many things that people agree on, and leaning into our commonality is just as important as acknowledging our differences. They are two sides of the same coin. It's Christ telling us to minister to the fold and to the one. Sometimes we need to be in the fold. Sometimes we need to know when we're the one.
There are times when I'm highly aware of my nuance. It really can feel like a badge that announces "Hey, I'm different." Other times, I feel like the Molly Mormon who tries to do everything right and wants to check all the boxes. That's normal; we all wear different hats at different times. The important thing behind it is the why. Am I checking boxes because someone else told me to, or because I genuinely think it's an important box to check, regardless of who sees me do it? Am I choosing to be different because I want to give the world the middle finger, or because my being different is adding depth and value to my life? Is my relationship with the church building loyalty to the organization, or strengthening my connection with Christ? To me, that's the ultimate question that "nuance" isn't afraid to answer.
To anyone who panicked three paragraphs ago when I said "nuanced members see their personal revelation as supreme," I want to close with this clarification: nuance isn't about putting yourself on the top of the totem pole. It's not about believing you've got it figured out and everyone else just needs to catch up. It's about believing that you are good and capable and loved by God, and that God can speak to you in highly individual ways. And it's about trusting that God will do just that.
Questions to ponder when you don't fit the mold (and you find that bothersome)
- What is the mold? What do I think everyone else has in common?
- Who or what is telling me that I need to fit in? Is that a source I care about following?
- How can I help people understand my needs? How would I want someone to communicate their needs to me?
If you're frustrated with church and want to learn how to make it work for you, schedule a free 30 minute consult call. Let's talk.
mental awareness • emotional intelligence • VALUE AFFIRMATION • spiritual nourishment
"Living into our values means that we do more than profess our values, we practice them. We walk our talk—we are clear about what we believe and hold important, and we take care that our intentions, words, thoughts, and behaviors align with those beliefs.." Brene Brown
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References
Brene Brown, Dare to Lead List of Values https://brenebrown.com/resources/dare-to-lead-list-of-values/
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